Saturday, May 10, 2008

It's Just Not Every Day...

*Disclaimer*: This post is not for the faint of stomach!

Okay girlfriends, let's face it, when it comes to getting grossed out, we females are usually on the receiving end.

Like when my little punk brother went duck hunting and then proceeded to chase me around our parents' house with the dead mallard - all the while squeezing it's throat so it would quack at me.

There was my first trip into a fraternity house in college where the carpets wreaked of spilled and rotting beer - that's a smell that just never quite leaves the memory.

And the time when I was pregnant with Blue and Buford was producing some kind of green methane fog under the covers. I had a meeting with Ralph that evening if you know what I mean.

And most recently, when my loving Buford (who works in the meat industry) said, "Hey honey do you want to see some pictures from a slaughter house in Iraq?"
"Will I be grossed out?"
"Probably." he answered.
I wanted to be a supportive wife so I looked: EEEWWWWW! (shudder)

But tonight...tonight I believe I may have turned the tables a bit. It was innocent enough. I just asked Buford to help me empty some trash cans that were too heavy for me to lift into the dumpster. The backdraft of the odor from the contents of the trash cans had him gagging and retching in the backyard. I should have warned him to hold his breath but I believe the chuckle I got was worth it. Suddenly the shoe was on the other foot and the "ungross-out-able" one was thoroughly grossed out!

Would you like my recipe? Let's call it "Trash Can Stew" and here's how to make it:

60 pounds of grass clippings and pulled weeds
20 pounds of dog poop
5 or 6 overgrown summer squash from the garden
A piece of broken soaker hose

Beginning in late summer, place the above ingredients into 2 large Rubbermaid Trash bins. Pack down real good in case there is room for some various other ingredients like leaves or mushy tomatoes. Fill the trash cans so heavily that it becomes impossible for you to lift them into the dumpster or carry to the curb for pick-up. Then, in the fall, forget to ask your husband or significant yard person, to help you with the cans. Allow the trashcans to sit out beside your fence for the entire winter while every rain and snow contributes to the moisture content of the Trash Can Stew. Then, when spring clean-up comes around, very sweetly say, "Honey, can you help me dump these trash cans? They are just too heavy for me to lift." Hold your breath but don't let him in on that little secret. The fumes are sure to trigger a quick gag response. Enjoy!

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